How To Treat Individuals With Depression

Hi guys, 
      All of us know at least one person suffering from depression at this exact moment. There is a multitude of reasons why someone would experience depression, ranging from losing somebody special, to having difficulties pursuing a dream. All "reasons" are valid because those individuals are in somewhat similar states of mind. This blog post will discuss the way I think an individual with depression should be treated; it's just based on my personal experience since a few of close people in my life are either depressed now or have experienced it before. Just a note: I do not have depression. 

      A note before we begin... some of us might be assuming that some people are "faking" depression or "playing a victim", but honestly, the best way to deal with those individuals is the same as with people who are actually depressed, because such calls for attention are the very first "red flags" of depression. 

1.   Accept the fact that anyone has the right to claim their depressive feelings, whether they actually have depression or not. If one identifies themselves as someone who is depressed, let go of your expectations, judgments, and prejudices, because you never know what might have led this person to experience it (or “fake” it). I’m sure if you would once find yourself in one of the similar conditions (hopefully not), you’d not want to be judged

2.     People with depression are not depressed people – they are individuals currently experiencing depression. In conversations with a person suffering from that condition, make sure you are respectful and make sure you recognize them as an individual first. Depression doesn’t define them; in just too overwhelming even for that person sometimes to realize that

3.   There are different types of depression out there (Major Depressive Disorder, Post-Partum Depressive Disorde, Seasonal Affective Disorder, etc.), but regardless of the type, individuals experience depressive episodes where the world, all of the sudden, stops being of interest. That’s called apathy, but extreme sadness is a huge warning sign for an upcoming episode.

4.     Getting the right diagnosis is very important. Misdiagnosing may lead to incorrect treatment of the condition, as well as the individual might be able to be further mentally frustrated if their diagnosis was incorrect. To avoid that, try to get a 2^nd opinion in your caretaking team. For instance, speak to your family physician, and then – to your school psychologist.

What you can personally do to avoid a misdiagnosis, is do a lot of research on all kinds of illnesses that have similar symptoms, and be ready to answer questions at your appointments (i.e. has anyone on your mom’s/dad’s side ever had …?)

Remember that the Internet is not going to diagnose you, and you have to avoid self-diagnosing as much as you can. What this suggestion implies - is be fully educated on where your symptoms might be coming from (potential disorders); have questions ready for your appointment, and be ready to answer some of their questions as well. It’s very important, in all of these stages to be true to yourself.

·      LITTLE PERSONAL STORY:

My mom has been diagnosed with depression 6 years ago. Throughout all that time she has been seeing one physician only. Very recently, when she encountered a new physician, and the diagnosis was changed to PTSD, and my mom now better understands her condition, and is able to make more connections with what she’s experiencing, and where it came from. This improved her treatment outcomes drastically

5.     Compassion is important, but pitying brings harm to individuals with depression. Here is a thing…like I mentioned in point 2, they are people, and they can talk about all kinds of things (not only their sickness); don’t make an individual experience their feelings all over again while you are pitying them – they will begin to feel miserable. Of course, if your conversation partner is completely okay with discussing depression, be respectful and compassionate about it, and just follow the conversation.

6.     Whoever knows me, I always like to help in any way, shape, or form I can - it makes me happier, too (I’m selfish in this way). So my thought process was: “okay, my mom would probably appreciate flowers, if I clean our house, do her makeup, etc.”, but that’s wrong to constantly do that for an individual trying to cope with depression. Whenever her depressive episode comes (and it’s very obvious for me; I’ve lived with her all my life), I immediately, kindly make her do something. So in a sense, if I want to buy flowers for her, I would take her to the store with me, and let her pick the flowers she likes, and I’ll let her pay for them. After that, she’s more likely to feel capable and independent to take care of herself and bring herself joy. If I’m cleaning my house, I am getting her to help me, but only with the tasks that she likes (making beds, reorganizing different drawers, etc.), and what follows – is the feeling of accomplishment, which is so diminished in people with depression. Overall, you are helping them to re-acquire their feelings of purpose, and self-esteem. Whenever they do something a little wrong or unexpected, be very forgiving, and even encourage creativity. Back to my mom’s case: she likes making beds in her own special way. On that day, she’d make mine and hers – both in the way she likes. Well, the least I can do is suck it up, and the best I can do is appreciate her help and creativity, and maybe even get her to “teach” me the way she makes our beds. Show her some pride!

7.    Some individuals coping with depression are anti-social, whereas some – would always prefer a company. Regardless of the type of a person you are encountering, be sure to carefully lead them outside of their comfort zone, and introduce something new. This advice should be taken with caution because you don’t want to lead an individual to depression to a company who likes to enjoy alcohol. And you certainly don’t want the “company person” to feel isolated. 

      The best way for you to take my advice is to introduce very neutral novelties, like a small home renovation, or a new hairstyle. Once again, be careful with implementing this on a person who you barely know, and if you are still about to go ahead with it, you absolutely MUST have positive intentions and respect for the person you are trying to help.

Just on an end note, depression is a lot about feeling guilty, so under any circumstances don’t shame or blame the person for whatever happened. My mom’s depression was “fed” by everyone around blaming her for the smallest fallacies. I’d blame her for non-ideal cleanliness of the house; my dad would blame her for her pace at parallel parking, etc. That is something completely unacceptable. 

P.S. I am not a medical professional, nor this is the most personalized/comprehensive list of suggestions. You should also consider talking to your doctor or psychologists about how to help an individual with depression.

How to Focus With ADHD?

Hi guys,

All throughout this summer, I have been thinking about my ADHD, and I was attentively observing my study habits. I have discovered a few things that help me focus without medication, and hopefully, it will help you too. Note that some, if not all of this, won’t apply to individuals without ADHD; in fact, they would require a completely opposite approach. Of course, if this does work for you – it doesn’t mean you have ADHD; but I thought it might still be helpful to some of you.

Before I get into my main points though, I want to mention, that organization is important in staying focused, but I have already discussed organization in previous blog posts. The reason why I won’t prioritize organization here is because, for some individuals, a little disorganization is their ideal environment.

Just a few general, quick works on organization:
- Keep your required resources available at the time of work  

     - Have a record of to-do tasks and dates

     - Aim for neatness in task completion, and in your environment

•          Focus doesn’t come when you repeat to yourself “FOCUS”

I have watched numerous videos on ADHD and attempts to cope with it. One of the most common practices - is repeating “focus” or “concentrate” to yourself for a trillion times. This strategy doesn’t help! It only further frustrates you, and you feel unmotivated to continue with the task.

I would, of course, say “look deeper into the problem of why you can’t concentrate”, but there might not be any deeper problems – you just can’t. So, to avoid further frustration, don’t overwhelm yourself with these phrases.

Focusing is like putting on glasses to correct your vision; saying “see” while having poor vision is not going to help. What will help though, hopefully, are some strategies you can derive from this blog, and a professional (therapeutic or medical) advice, if required.

•          Deal with distractions

Most often, we are advised to “eliminate” distractions, but turning off my phone makes me stressed (21^st century problems :) ). I always like to deal with the matter in question, so if I am texting with somebody, I will just let them know that I’ll get back to them in a certain amount of time; I don’t just stop answering all of the sudden. With games, YouTube videos, and similar types of distractions, I will finish whatever I’m watching, and then I will still have to block it. The point is, I don’t just pause the video (because I will feel unsatisfied) – I, first, finish it, and then block it to procees with whatever work I have to do. 

Also… if the organization just doesn’t come to you yet, the least you can do for yourself - is you have to make yourself comfortable. The right temperature, the right clothing, the right smell and taste, the ideal physical environment! Being too comfortable might make you sleepy, though; but what I mean is - avoid discomfort.

•           Simple and quick tasks first!

Here is something different that I like to do in comparison with other people – I like to complete the quick and simple duties first, and then approach the difficult ones. Often, we are suggested otherwise in order to have something easier to look forward to and not to waste our first couple of “productive” hours on something of a lower priority. I personally, prefer to complete simpler and quicker tasks first. I do this to feel the reward as I check off the tasks from my to-do list. Individuals who have ADHD have lower dopamine levels which means their “reward system” needs frequent and more stimulation to stay concentrated. The hardest and longest tasks I leave for the last because that way, I know that there is nothing for me to worry about afterwards, and I can pay attention to the only task at hand. The key is to take frequent breaks and potentially divide the difficult work across a few days.

Here is exactly how I personally prioritize tasks from first to last:
1. Quicker tasks
2.  Easier tasks
3.  Longer tasks
4.  Harder tasks

•          Background noise might help

If some (non-obnoxious) background noise is present, it can promote better concentration, because your brains would naturally try to “focus out of it”. This definitely doesn’t work with everyone, but it always works for me. The background noise maybe something like a working fan or refrigerator, rain, or the wind, but it can’t be obnoxious. It has to be something more or less monotone and “dull”.

•          Give it time

For anything you are working on, you have to give it time to bring back the mindfulness, since your mind might wander - in other words, you’ll get distracted. Not only frequent breaks are crucial, but sometimes you have to devote days to a certain project. That time will let you process everything you’ve done, collect the thoughts, and allow a fresh look on the problem. For example, I usually post the blog posts the day I write it, but ideally, I should wait a day or two before submitting it; otherwise, I won’t catch all of my grammar, punctuation, and formatting mistakes no matter how hard I look through it on the same day.

•          Practice “bringing back your mind”

If you are stressed or distracted, you can’t always control yourself, and you might do or say things you are not really aware of, to a certain extent. To avoid that, stop what you’re doing, and try mentally collecting your thoughts together. What also helps is closing your eyes, and imagining something detailed (like a face, a place, or an object). It’s best to imagine YOUR face, the place you are CURRENTLY in, or the object you are CURRENTLY holding. It is a 1-minute task, but you must completely take control of your focus at that time. 

And breathe…